Do I still need that?

I've been thinking lately about the "big concepts" that rule my thinking, you know, the important things I learned as a young adult that defined my behaviors and choices for a long time.

I think that assertiveness is one of those.  My God, I still remember just devouring the whole slew of assertiveness training books in the early 70's.  It made so much sense to me, and gave me so much permission to say NO.

Then there is the whole co-dependent and boundaries topic area.  Working with battered women, then getting involved with ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and just being completely in love with the whole "set your boundaries" idea, that I needed to get my self-worth only from myself and not from others.

Now at this stage of my life, I am considering whether these ideas have combined to not only strengthen me and my self-concept, but also to separate me from others in a way that has actually damaged my relationships, or at the very least affected them in ways that I truly need to examine.  I think maybe I have grown to depend on myself and my internal thoughts, my own interpretations, my need for autonomy, to the extent that I have not nurtured the part of life that promotes true connection with others.

And yes I know it's not either or, but still...I need to look.

We often forget to re-evaluate, to take a look at our patterns and routines, because they come from somewhere, and that was the past.  How do they fit with our present?