Curioser and Curioser

I love the meditation suggestion to be curious and interested, even friendly, toward our emotional states, this in contrast to being reactive and judgmental when we experience difficult emotion.

Perhaps this is because at this relatively late stage of my life I am getting clearer about what it actually means to be a friend and to be befriended.

I think in the past despite my almost constant dramatic narrative, I really did not communicate much.  Pontificate.  Dismiss things out of hand.  Try to figure out how I can win.  Yeah it’s amazing I had any friends at all. 

Possibly I was just so darned genuine and authentic as I pontificated, that a friend would naturally see that that was the real me.  And I guess it was.

However, there is nothing like cancer, marital discord, loss of a parent – in other words, there is nothing like life to pummel you to the floor and just make you sit there for awhile, making yourself and other people miserable….until you just give up and do the darn meditation and yoga, and turn inward and experience your self.  

And to learn to be friendly while you do it. 

Curiosity implies that you are aware that there is more to know and learn, and interest means you are open to what it is.  Friendliness is non-threatening and encouraging, a witness rather than a director.  The whole process requires humility and vulnerability, qualities that terrified me as I pontificated, see above.  

You progress down the path toward an open heart, a heart that is present for you and for your world. You can’t have an open heart and true compassion if you are terrified and defensive all the time. 

Memo to self: an open heart is what it’s all about.  See this lovely poem from Rumi......