I have been pondering my political values during this depressing election season. I think to myself "I believe...." and go from there. I am cursed or blessed with seeing "all" sides of issues, and finding value in most (not all -- oh no, not all!) of what I imagine are the reasons behind political/social realities. For instance, no I do not think there is value in faulty scientific thinking, nor do I think there is value in just plain meanness, alot of which we see and hear about because it is just so newsworthy (!). But I can understand why somebody would feel angry at what they perceive to be a bloated government way too involved in the personal lives of citizens. But I can also understand that what you consider to be a bloated part of government that person over there might consider to be absolutely essential support for them as they negotiate this world. Sigh.
Also I have been considering my own behavior/attitudes during the Bush years and how I certainly have been guilty of saying nasty, depersonalizing things about GWB and his ilk (ok, right there -- "ilk" -- that is kind of nasty, isn't it?). And I think well how is that different from what I'm hearing and seeing these days from those who hate Obama and HIS ilk (ah, there, now it is all evened out). Of course, I never really went out and stomped on Bush supporters as they lay on the ground -- but let us not digress.....
I believe.....that the collective vision is more important than any one individual's vision. So that a focus on the "common good" is key in seeing what is, and thinking about what could be.
I believe, too, that "the least of these," i.e., those with the least social power, are to be considered when proposing changes or improvements or overhauls or defundings.
I believe there should be much less distance -- financially and socially -- between rulers and the ruled. I believe that wealth -- individual wealth, holding it close -- is not necessary for a thriving economy. I definitely believe there is such a thing as being "too rich."
I believe that we all have deep dark thoughts, prejudices, stereotypes, misunderstandings, irrational concerns, and that it would be good if we all acknowledged these in ourselves and others, and it would be even better if we acknowledged how things we think "should happen" often stem from these stereotypes, etc. Because I believe if we acknowledge this, we can move forward, but if we don't....we are stuck. I also believe that what I consider to be a prejudice, you could well consider to be a verifiable fact. So we go round and round.
I saw the movie "Waiting for Superman" recently which was at once so depressing and so inspiring. There are people doing amazing things in education with children that most of the system has written off. These are the people I want to read about and hear about on the news -- the people who transcend labels and go for the absolute highest standards and expectations -- people who basically radiate love and hope. And I have really high hopes for those kids whose lives these educators touch. Wow.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Goodness of Retreat
1. Tradition. Happens every year, same time, same place. I can count on it.
2. Memories. Bad as well as good. Meaningful as well as boring.
3. The environment. The lake, the walks, the trees. Even when it rains, maybe especially when it rains, the feeling is one of coziness and safety.
4. Laughing. No need to say more!
5. Story-telling. Puzzles. Book group. Massage.
6. An awareness of the need for balance between socializing and alone time/refreshing by myself. I learned that big time at retreat.
7. And these folks!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Inspiration, Yet Again
Listened to a young man named Eboo Patel at a nearby college last night, the crowd almost palpably yearning to hear some common sense and guidance as they consider how to push back against the rising tide of hatred against Muslims in this country. Here is a link to Eboo's Interfaith Youth Core http://www.ifyc.org/about_core/staff
Memorable quotes...."if your enemy is Muslim extremism, and you always talk about Muslims, you are focusing on the wrong word." "I think the reason people in this country love the poet Rumi so much is ... he's like Whitman!" "In America, we do not hate people because of their religion...we just don't." "It's not going to be easy, but the forces of inclusion will overcome the forces of hate." "The foundation of Islam is mercy, so if you are looking at five verses in the Koran about mercy and five verses in the Koran about killing infidels, the more important verses are the ones about mercy."
I'm struck by how little I know about Islam, about how interesting its history is, and about how intertwined its history actually is with the development of the United States of America. Fascinating.
Memorable quotes...."if your enemy is Muslim extremism, and you always talk about Muslims, you are focusing on the wrong word." "I think the reason people in this country love the poet Rumi so much is ... he's like Whitman!" "In America, we do not hate people because of their religion...we just don't." "It's not going to be easy, but the forces of inclusion will overcome the forces of hate." "The foundation of Islam is mercy, so if you are looking at five verses in the Koran about mercy and five verses in the Koran about killing infidels, the more important verses are the ones about mercy."
I'm struck by how little I know about Islam, about how interesting its history is, and about how intertwined its history actually is with the development of the United States of America. Fascinating.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
LifeThese Days
So, last weekend, I go see the Twins play at Safeco Field in Seattle (they lost).....my husband and I score some pretty nice seats, six rows up between home plate and first base.....I text my friend in St. Paul to tell her I'm at the game.....she texts me back this photo, which she took in her living room with her phone while watching the game on her TV....yeah that's me with the intense expression on my face....I do wish my parents were alive to experience this strange new world.
Happy 84th birthday mom!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Stupid stuff
People burning the Koran on September 11. Pretty damn dumb.
People "accusing" Obama of being a Muslim. Like people used to "accuse" somebody of being gay. SO WHAT IF HE WERE?
People talking about another religion as though they understand it. When they so obviously know nothing and never never never think outside their own puny little boxes.
Stating the obvious, but thanks NCC:
http://www.ncccusa.org/news/100811ramadanrespect.html
People "accusing" Obama of being a Muslim. Like people used to "accuse" somebody of being gay. SO WHAT IF HE WERE?
People talking about another religion as though they understand it. When they so obviously know nothing and never never never think outside their own puny little boxes.
Stating the obvious, but thanks NCC:
http://www.ncccusa.org/news/100811ramadanrespect.html
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The Way They Were
As the executor of my mom's estate (such as it was), and also frankly because I am a junkie for "the past," I am the repository of family papers, photos, condolence cards, newspaper articles, yearbooks, birth certificates. This week I've been alone and have taken on the project of going through all of it -- ALL OF IT -- and tossing what should/can go, and organizing what's left into useable units of history.
Such a project it is. It is like slogging through the mud of bad memories, sometimes....other times, it is just darned sad, as it was this afternoon, when I could not get through all the condolence cards sent to my mom after my dad died (1979). Wow, people said some incredible things about him.
A couple of times this week, I have looked up from my labor, and thought to myself: I need to take a break from this! It's too much! It's not normal to be thinking about the past all the time!
And yet it is apparently what I need to do, I feel this so strongly -- in order to move on.
Some of this stuff clearly needs to be tossed in the garbage. Some of it needs to be sent to other people in the family. Some of it needs to be transformed into scrapbooks and histories (ah! a new project!).
I have a strong feeling that this is the process I need to go through (and out the other side) in order to get where I'm going next. Don't know what/where that is, how it will feel, what it will look like.
But I'm going to be 60 in less than a year, and it's time to consider how I'm going to spend this next portion of my life.
Such a project it is. It is like slogging through the mud of bad memories, sometimes....other times, it is just darned sad, as it was this afternoon, when I could not get through all the condolence cards sent to my mom after my dad died (1979). Wow, people said some incredible things about him.
A couple of times this week, I have looked up from my labor, and thought to myself: I need to take a break from this! It's too much! It's not normal to be thinking about the past all the time!
And yet it is apparently what I need to do, I feel this so strongly -- in order to move on.
Some of this stuff clearly needs to be tossed in the garbage. Some of it needs to be sent to other people in the family. Some of it needs to be transformed into scrapbooks and histories (ah! a new project!).
I have a strong feeling that this is the process I need to go through (and out the other side) in order to get where I'm going next. Don't know what/where that is, how it will feel, what it will look like.
But I'm going to be 60 in less than a year, and it's time to consider how I'm going to spend this next portion of my life.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Rules, An Update
A few days ago, I had two -- count 'em, TWO -- great interactions with representatives of bureaucracy -- both State of Washington employees, both personable, humorous, HELPFUL, and engaging, and both of whom made me feel positive and encouraged.
That's not bad for one day! I am hoping I expressed my gratitude to them adequately so that they could have positive take-aways as well.
So: there are kindred (as in -- kind) souls out there.
Hold that thought.
That's not bad for one day! I am hoping I expressed my gratitude to them adequately so that they could have positive take-aways as well.
So: there are kindred (as in -- kind) souls out there.
Hold that thought.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Rules
For awhile now I have been COMPLETELY ANGRY about bureaucracy, how it limits service, how it squashes creativity, and how its rules and processes get fossilized into "that's the way it is." (The other side of the coin is management that changes rules and processes on a weekly basis, creating the scary instability that so many people have to work in.)
Either way of "doing business" counts on people being sheep, just doing what they're told, accepting it, not even noticing that they have lost their nerve, their joy, their compassion for those they encounter during the day.
If I hear one more time how "the government" is the root of all evil, I will scream. Exactly how do people think business does, when it comes to stupid bureaucratic processes that impede progress? Heck, small businesses, families, classrooms, churches -- it just seems like groups of people in general gravitate toward institutionalization and sameness, making up stupid rules as they go, for no reason whatsoever or for some reason nobody even remembers.
Then the institution must work hard to keep itself alive, fighting change, or pretending to change, or saying one thing and continuing to do the other (it's called lying).
I am a social worker. My job is to help people negotiate "the system," aka bureaucracies that administer government support programs. The particular group of people I serve is the elderly (and their families). While individuals who work in "the system" are -- not always, but generally reasonable and polite when I telephone them on my clients' behalf, the outcomes are typically negative for my clients. The paperwork is lengthy, repetitive, and intrusive. The benefits -- if eventually offered -- are often vastly underadequate to the need. The rules of the programs are difficult -- for me! -- to understand. Often -- often!! -- clients will get to the end of the process, hear what the benefit actually is and how it will affect them -- and they refuse! And I don't blame them!
There is a huge group of people with needs -- and a very large group of bureaucracies that hold the keys. This is not "service." This is not even "helpful." It's demeaning, confusing, and dehumanizing. Just what people need toward the end of life.
Are we all in this together? Or not? I think -- not. How unfortunate that we put our trust in huge corporate/governmental entities that fail us anyway (if we work in them or want to get something out of them), and how unfortunate that we imagine that one political party or another is going to change that. The parties themselves are bureaucracies.
RANT.
So I guess for me, my job is to act as little like a bureaucrat as possible. To imagine new things. To make compassionate connections. To be genuine and not promise things I do not even plan to provide. To educate people realistically about what to expect and how they can manage the stress of bumping up against the bureaucracy. To always always communicate to people that they are priceless and valuable, worth much more than those forms and rule books ever could be.
Either way of "doing business" counts on people being sheep, just doing what they're told, accepting it, not even noticing that they have lost their nerve, their joy, their compassion for those they encounter during the day.
If I hear one more time how "the government" is the root of all evil, I will scream. Exactly how do people think business does, when it comes to stupid bureaucratic processes that impede progress? Heck, small businesses, families, classrooms, churches -- it just seems like groups of people in general gravitate toward institutionalization and sameness, making up stupid rules as they go, for no reason whatsoever or for some reason nobody even remembers.
Then the institution must work hard to keep itself alive, fighting change, or pretending to change, or saying one thing and continuing to do the other (it's called lying).
I am a social worker. My job is to help people negotiate "the system," aka bureaucracies that administer government support programs. The particular group of people I serve is the elderly (and their families). While individuals who work in "the system" are -- not always, but generally reasonable and polite when I telephone them on my clients' behalf, the outcomes are typically negative for my clients. The paperwork is lengthy, repetitive, and intrusive. The benefits -- if eventually offered -- are often vastly underadequate to the need. The rules of the programs are difficult -- for me! -- to understand. Often -- often!! -- clients will get to the end of the process, hear what the benefit actually is and how it will affect them -- and they refuse! And I don't blame them!
There is a huge group of people with needs -- and a very large group of bureaucracies that hold the keys. This is not "service." This is not even "helpful." It's demeaning, confusing, and dehumanizing. Just what people need toward the end of life.
Are we all in this together? Or not? I think -- not. How unfortunate that we put our trust in huge corporate/governmental entities that fail us anyway (if we work in them or want to get something out of them), and how unfortunate that we imagine that one political party or another is going to change that. The parties themselves are bureaucracies.
RANT.
So I guess for me, my job is to act as little like a bureaucrat as possible. To imagine new things. To make compassionate connections. To be genuine and not promise things I do not even plan to provide. To educate people realistically about what to expect and how they can manage the stress of bumping up against the bureaucracy. To always always communicate to people that they are priceless and valuable, worth much more than those forms and rule books ever could be.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
At Home
Little things help to create a feeling of "being home."
This week, Husband and I bought bookshelves for the living room (a room we rarely spend any time in at all) and organized books and memorabilia on these shelves that flank the fireplace.
Preparing for a dinner party last night, Husband spent much time during the day figuring out where our framed pictures and art should go on the living/dining area walls.
And then last night we had two couples over for dinner and conversation on the deck with the wonderful view of the water and mountains behind us.
At one point during the evening I walked through the living room and had that great feeling of being "at home," not just being in a nice place for a little while, not just visiting, not just existing. The room looks wonderful, and is perfectly personal.
I can imagine spending alot more time in that room now, reading, conversing, reflecting, laughing.
This week, Husband and I bought bookshelves for the living room (a room we rarely spend any time in at all) and organized books and memorabilia on these shelves that flank the fireplace.
Preparing for a dinner party last night, Husband spent much time during the day figuring out where our framed pictures and art should go on the living/dining area walls.
And then last night we had two couples over for dinner and conversation on the deck with the wonderful view of the water and mountains behind us.
At one point during the evening I walked through the living room and had that great feeling of being "at home," not just being in a nice place for a little while, not just visiting, not just existing. The room looks wonderful, and is perfectly personal.
I can imagine spending alot more time in that room now, reading, conversing, reflecting, laughing.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The Oddness of Facebook
I was goofy boy-crazy my junior and senior high years, the highlight possibly being the day I brought my camera to school (American School, Philippines) and stalked the boys on my list. When I remember this, I just cringe. I'm not even sure, actually, that they knew I was following them around! I don't remember any actual interaction between myself and any of them.
But earlier this week, just for fun, I searched on Facebook for one of them. He has a very unique (Icelandic) name so he was super easy to find. He looks of course nothing like he did back then -- oh he had the coolest shaggy blond hair and played guitar. Still a musician, however.
I like to think back to life before Google and Facebook. Before smartphones. Hell, before cell phones and computers. It is hard to remember, to be honest, these things are just that embedded in my daily life.
What, for example, did one used to do when one got home from work? Where now signing onto Facebook is done within thirty minutes, then I probably did any number of productive activities.
Well one thing I know I did was read mail. There isn't any of that either these days. That doesn't stop me from still experiencing, after all these years, the excitement of opening the mail box and thinking something fun is going to be in there! Still feel that anticipation!
Kind of like putting a name from long ago in the search area on Facebook, and waiting to see what comes up!
But earlier this week, just for fun, I searched on Facebook for one of them. He has a very unique (Icelandic) name so he was super easy to find. He looks of course nothing like he did back then -- oh he had the coolest shaggy blond hair and played guitar. Still a musician, however.
I like to think back to life before Google and Facebook. Before smartphones. Hell, before cell phones and computers. It is hard to remember, to be honest, these things are just that embedded in my daily life.
What, for example, did one used to do when one got home from work? Where now signing onto Facebook is done within thirty minutes, then I probably did any number of productive activities.
Well one thing I know I did was read mail. There isn't any of that either these days. That doesn't stop me from still experiencing, after all these years, the excitement of opening the mail box and thinking something fun is going to be in there! Still feel that anticipation!
Kind of like putting a name from long ago in the search area on Facebook, and waiting to see what comes up!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Pain with Mobility
Self-diagnosing again, I have left-sided sacro-iliac joint pain, which is kind of a mother to deal with. First of all, it's unpredictable. Yesterday, I worked pretty much non-stop in the garage, with no pain or instability issues at all, but then in the evening and in bed, was absolutely unable to find any comfort. Took some advil PM, but it really didn't help me get a good night's sleep, only about two hours' sleep, then up again, then trying to find a good position again, trying all the time not to wake up Husband, etc., etc....and now today...it's with me non-stop.
Probably worked too much yesterday and am paying for it today. As my home care clients tell me all the time!
There are times when I move (or don't move) and the pain is just SHARP! and I feel quite unsafe. Took a bath instead of a shower to wash my hair, for example.
The thing is, I'm really pretty much of a wuss when it comes to learning about joints, bones, ligaments, etc., and thinking about the re-alignment that is probably needed. I just hate the idea of manipulation, going to the chiropractor, etc. Had one experience with one and thought it was bogus.
Some sites say stretching is good, some sites say absolutely not, don't stretch.
It's been going on, off and on, for about a month, so I'll probably have to do something constructive, like, oh I don't know -- see my physician and get a referral to a sports medicine or physiatrist doc? Or physical therapist?
I take so much for granted. Like being pain-free and being able to get from point A to point B without even thinking about how I'm going to manage.
Probably worked too much yesterday and am paying for it today. As my home care clients tell me all the time!
There are times when I move (or don't move) and the pain is just SHARP! and I feel quite unsafe. Took a bath instead of a shower to wash my hair, for example.
The thing is, I'm really pretty much of a wuss when it comes to learning about joints, bones, ligaments, etc., and thinking about the re-alignment that is probably needed. I just hate the idea of manipulation, going to the chiropractor, etc. Had one experience with one and thought it was bogus.
Some sites say stretching is good, some sites say absolutely not, don't stretch.
It's been going on, off and on, for about a month, so I'll probably have to do something constructive, like, oh I don't know -- see my physician and get a referral to a sports medicine or physiatrist doc? Or physical therapist?
I take so much for granted. Like being pain-free and being able to get from point A to point B without even thinking about how I'm going to manage.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Thank Goodness for Fresh Air, or I wouldn't know anything
On the way home from the gym this evening, I listened to Fresh Air on NPR, specifically a segment about haiku, and even more specifically, about haiku on TWITTER!!! I had no idea! Here's the link
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=127774103&m=127834132
This guy actually goes further and talks about poetry, the lack of which in children's lives he laments.....which reminded me of poems I had memorized in my life...
We performed The Highwayman (author?) ("and the highwayman goes riding, riding, riding....") in 7th grade at the 8th grade graduation.....
I learned I Must Go Down To the Sea Again (wrong title?) by John Masefield, I think probably at the British school I attended for 6th grade in Lagos, Nigeria.
Again, nostalgia. Seriously started to get into the memory of being a pre-teen, so earnest, so self-conscious, such a little smartie-pants.
Well, that's enough of that! Thanks, Fresh Air!
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=127774103&m=127834132
This guy actually goes further and talks about poetry, the lack of which in children's lives he laments.....which reminded me of poems I had memorized in my life...
We performed The Highwayman (author?) ("and the highwayman goes riding, riding, riding....") in 7th grade at the 8th grade graduation.....
I learned I Must Go Down To the Sea Again (wrong title?) by John Masefield, I think probably at the British school I attended for 6th grade in Lagos, Nigeria.
Again, nostalgia. Seriously started to get into the memory of being a pre-teen, so earnest, so self-conscious, such a little smartie-pants.
Well, that's enough of that! Thanks, Fresh Air!
Friday, June 11, 2010
World Cup
What I think about when I watch soccer -- in this case, this week, starting today, World Cup action -- is my kids' early games, when they were 5 and 6 and 7....how cute they were, running around in circles, clumping up (parents yelling "don't clump up!"), running into each other, occasionally getting in a good kick (parents screaming "good kick Luc!"), my daughter playing goalie in an oversized shirt, making unreal efforts to prevent goals.
Sigh. Cold Saturday mornings with coffee in a thermos. The invention of portable camp chairs coming just in time for our turn to be soccer parents.
That time in Rochester when my son kicked that great shoot-out goal. How excited he was another time, in the back seat, chattering "I just LOOOOVE soccer!" (for a typically reserved child, a moment for a parent to remember).
Soccer was good for my kids.
For myself, I had no such experience with team play, or really any competitive play, no encouragement to focus on anything physically challenging. My generation was maybe the last where girls just did not have that cultural approval to get moving. Too bad for me! Now playing catch-up!!
Sigh. Cold Saturday mornings with coffee in a thermos. The invention of portable camp chairs coming just in time for our turn to be soccer parents.
That time in Rochester when my son kicked that great shoot-out goal. How excited he was another time, in the back seat, chattering "I just LOOOOVE soccer!" (for a typically reserved child, a moment for a parent to remember).
Soccer was good for my kids.
For myself, I had no such experience with team play, or really any competitive play, no encouragement to focus on anything physically challenging. My generation was maybe the last where girls just did not have that cultural approval to get moving. Too bad for me! Now playing catch-up!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
Work today being frustrating and unsatisfying, I arrived home in the afternoon low energy and low motivation, hungry because I had left in a rush this morning and never had lunch, and with no plans for the evening. Rain rain rain. The evening has been boring and there's only so much scrabble you can play on-line.
The reason for the blog post? Decided I better do some gratitude work.
I have the most awesome children, now young adults.
My husband is the hardest-working person I know. Focused, talented, and creative.
I have amazing friends who stay in touch and let me know they love me.
I'm healthy, active, mobile, and curious.
My dog, despite posts to the contrary, is adorably middle-aged.
I'm more focused on qualities than on STUFF.
I am organized and productive (usually!).
Our new house is quite cute and the view is great, even in the rain.
I have options and I'm not stuck.
OK. That helped!
The reason for the blog post? Decided I better do some gratitude work.
I have the most awesome children, now young adults.
My husband is the hardest-working person I know. Focused, talented, and creative.
I have amazing friends who stay in touch and let me know they love me.
I'm healthy, active, mobile, and curious.
My dog, despite posts to the contrary, is adorably middle-aged.
I'm more focused on qualities than on STUFF.
I am organized and productive (usually!).
Our new house is quite cute and the view is great, even in the rain.
I have options and I'm not stuck.
OK. That helped!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My dog is driving me crazy
It was nothing but whine whine whine all morning before I left for work. Whatever he wanted, I couldn't figure it out. He'd been outside multiple times, his water and food bowls were newly filled...WHAT IS IT????? As I left, I realized -- I believe he knows when it's time for me to leave for work, and he was "communicating" in his own obnoxious way "goodbye." Oy vey.
Husband and I can be sitting around, watching TV, messing around on our laptops, and it's -- oh -- about 9:10 pm....here comes The Dog, whine whine whine....."it's time for bed."
When I come home from work, it is SNACK TIME and don't you forget it, missy. RIGHT NOW!!!
Husband knows the secret is to rub The Dog's tummy and scratch his ears, and that will suffice in any (whining) situation. But I do not a) remember this and b) care to do it all that long. So even if I remember, I can do it for about three minutes and then -- oooof -- get away from me.
I do love The Dog. But his whining makes me completely nuts. Just wanted to say that!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Church Ramblings
Returning to my first post and the list of things I'd been thinking about, first one being "Church. Why?"
For many years I had no church involvement at all, and do not remember even thinking about God, spirituality, etc., etc.
Returning to church in my early thirties, I felt a great sense of relief and thankfulness that I could be with others thinking about the "big questions." It was the right place at the right time for me.
My most recent church connectedness, for the last 13 plus years at a church in Minneapolis, is now completed, as I have moved to Washington State. I was way over-involved there and it had become a duty and a chore to attend meetings. I had very little feeling of spirituality, although I did love and do miss the community of the church.
Now I feel no pull to go to church. The question is "why?" I do feel there is something missing, but I don't feel that I will connect with it at church or in worship.
HOWEVER! A thought has been repeating itself inside my head, "just show up." So I can see I am toying with something that is almost like an idea and possibly might turn into a want...to be in a worship experience and see where I go with it.
Like so much in my life, I know more about what I don't want/like/feel good about, than about what I really DO WANT.
And now I have reached the rambling section of my thoughts, so will stop.
For many years I had no church involvement at all, and do not remember even thinking about God, spirituality, etc., etc.
Returning to church in my early thirties, I felt a great sense of relief and thankfulness that I could be with others thinking about the "big questions." It was the right place at the right time for me.
My most recent church connectedness, for the last 13 plus years at a church in Minneapolis, is now completed, as I have moved to Washington State. I was way over-involved there and it had become a duty and a chore to attend meetings. I had very little feeling of spirituality, although I did love and do miss the community of the church.
Now I feel no pull to go to church. The question is "why?" I do feel there is something missing, but I don't feel that I will connect with it at church or in worship.
HOWEVER! A thought has been repeating itself inside my head, "just show up." So I can see I am toying with something that is almost like an idea and possibly might turn into a want...to be in a worship experience and see where I go with it.
Like so much in my life, I know more about what I don't want/like/feel good about, than about what I really DO WANT.
And now I have reached the rambling section of my thoughts, so will stop.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Unpacking and Getting Things Done
Still unpacking and will be for many moons. Slowly but surely things are getting to their appropriate place, as my kindergarten teacher used to say: a place for everything and everything in its place. Have I said that before? It's like my mantra (husband would laugh at that, thinking of messes I have left around for days and weeks....).
We have an inordinate amount of camping gear, tools, rakes/hoes, sports equipment. I'm thinking three or four bike tire pumps or maybe one is a soccer ball pump. In a box of stuff from one of husband's previous jobs, I found an adorable book his co-workers put together when he left. People can be so creative. They totally got his personality. Just great.
Also ran across all the cards from daughter's grad party a year ago. Started to get verklempt so had to quick find a place to stash them. Throw them away? Are you kidding me?
Tomorrow husband leaves for five days with the kids in Minnesota. I'll be using the three day weekend to work on big projects, like THE TAXES. And probably more unpacking. And sneak in some shopping to get some smaller items crossed off the house list. Love the idea of all this time to focus and accomplish.
The weather has been just awful this week, pretty much no sun at all, except one evening. It really wears on a person. People have been pretty crabby. It's like everybody was just straining to get to the weekend....especially as Monday we're closed.
My plan is to get to my first OA meeting in months tomorrow morning. I'm ready!
We have an inordinate amount of camping gear, tools, rakes/hoes, sports equipment. I'm thinking three or four bike tire pumps or maybe one is a soccer ball pump. In a box of stuff from one of husband's previous jobs, I found an adorable book his co-workers put together when he left. People can be so creative. They totally got his personality. Just great.
Also ran across all the cards from daughter's grad party a year ago. Started to get verklempt so had to quick find a place to stash them. Throw them away? Are you kidding me?
Tomorrow husband leaves for five days with the kids in Minnesota. I'll be using the three day weekend to work on big projects, like THE TAXES. And probably more unpacking. And sneak in some shopping to get some smaller items crossed off the house list. Love the idea of all this time to focus and accomplish.
The weather has been just awful this week, pretty much no sun at all, except one evening. It really wears on a person. People have been pretty crabby. It's like everybody was just straining to get to the weekend....especially as Monday we're closed.
My plan is to get to my first OA meeting in months tomorrow morning. I'm ready!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
You're not the boss of me!
Had this conversation with a therapist in a client's apartment, as I was finishing my visit, and the therapist was starting their visit. Just a brief interaction but emblematic of something that happens alot I think for me. Person A (the therapist in this case) comments about something I should do for a client. I do not agree that that is how I should handle this particular situation, but rather than -- basically, stand up for myself -- I hem and haw, am tentative in my reply and my explanation of how I see this particular part of my job. I realized later as I processed this interaction internally that when somebody makes an assumption about how a social worker works, it seriously annoys me to the point where what I'd really like to say is "who the hell do you think you are? you have no idea blah blah blah blah...." so in order to squelch that impulse I go completely limp and do the hem and haw thing.
YUCK!!!
The good part about this is how I then remembered a time when I told a minister (who later became a close friend) what to do next (it was a hospital visit type of situation) and her response, which will always stay with me, was "not necessarily...." That was all. But she marked out her professional territory in such a clear and undefensive way.
I got the message then, and I admire that comment now.
I work in a medical team situation. I would never presume to tell another professional (a nurse?!! a therapist?!!) how to do their job! Dialogue, certainly. Problem-solve, definitely. But actually come out and tell them how/what to do....hmmm.....NEVER!!!
From now on, though, I'm going to remember that phrase....."not necessarily...." It may come in handy the next time I get advice from a therapist on how to be a social worker.
YUCK!!!
The good part about this is how I then remembered a time when I told a minister (who later became a close friend) what to do next (it was a hospital visit type of situation) and her response, which will always stay with me, was "not necessarily...." That was all. But she marked out her professional territory in such a clear and undefensive way.
I got the message then, and I admire that comment now.
I work in a medical team situation. I would never presume to tell another professional (a nurse?!! a therapist?!!) how to do their job! Dialogue, certainly. Problem-solve, definitely. But actually come out and tell them how/what to do....hmmm.....NEVER!!!
From now on, though, I'm going to remember that phrase....."not necessarily...." It may come in handy the next time I get advice from a therapist on how to be a social worker.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Work, An Update
Started a new job early February and am just now feeling that I am part of the team. Interestingly enough, I feel that some of that started to happen when I did some work in the medical records office with a non-clinical team (I had no visits to make and had lots of time and they had lots of filing to do). When you joke around and share bits about yourself to a couple of co-workers you never really connect with, the positivity just reverberates, at least it did for me. I felt much better about those folks, so I am hoping/assuming that was true for them about me. My manager has been very supportive and vocal as well about getting the rest of the clinical staff to "use the social worker."
I've always maintained that if you do one thing to make a co-worker's task easier, you are their buddy for the life of the job. This is going to lead me into a rant about customer service, I can just tell!!!
Speaking of customer service......one day a few weeks ago I spent most of my time on the phone with a couple of different bureaucracies -- a large bank in another state, a state government office -- and by the end of the day I was just overwhelmed by how unhelpful people can be. They seem to think they are doing you a favor even answering the phone. At no time did anybody say to me, "let me see how I can help you." It was always about what I needed to do.
If I worked that way with my clients....well, first of all, I would shoot myself....but seriously if I had that kind of attitude.....how unpleasant must it be to be that way!!! How unfortunate the spouses of those people are! The children! The neighbors! Unless.....they are subservient elsewhere, and at the job, on the phone, with customers, they can really let out their inner creep. I don't know, but I can tell you that my spirit was crushed that day, as the recipient of all that negative energy.
I resolve never to be that kind of presence on the phone, for anybody.
I've always maintained that if you do one thing to make a co-worker's task easier, you are their buddy for the life of the job. This is going to lead me into a rant about customer service, I can just tell!!!
Speaking of customer service......one day a few weeks ago I spent most of my time on the phone with a couple of different bureaucracies -- a large bank in another state, a state government office -- and by the end of the day I was just overwhelmed by how unhelpful people can be. They seem to think they are doing you a favor even answering the phone. At no time did anybody say to me, "let me see how I can help you." It was always about what I needed to do.
If I worked that way with my clients....well, first of all, I would shoot myself....but seriously if I had that kind of attitude.....how unpleasant must it be to be that way!!! How unfortunate the spouses of those people are! The children! The neighbors! Unless.....they are subservient elsewhere, and at the job, on the phone, with customers, they can really let out their inner creep. I don't know, but I can tell you that my spirit was crushed that day, as the recipient of all that negative energy.
I resolve never to be that kind of presence on the phone, for anybody.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Day One
I figure if I just start, things may eventually make sense to me. Writing I can do...figuring out who my "team members" are -- now that's a challenge. WHAT??? And what does "monetize" mean? I've heard it's good to use your brain to keep it alive. So I am doing brain exercises here, I guess.
I am a list maker. Here is a list of stuff I've been reflecting on lately.
1. Church. Why?
2. I miss being a mom of pre-college kids, you know, the kind that live with you.
3. I miss Minnesota, and the following: book group, scrapbooking with Becki, et al, women's retreat, going out with my friends, my old OA group on Tuesday nights, my old job and co-workers, the neighborhood, Sherrie, etc., etc.
4. Tacoma is feeling less alien to me lately.
5. Husband and I need to get out more. Importance of fun.
6. OK, that's enough extension time, now get those taxes done and in.
7. I wonder what it would be like to have a blog?
8. Returning to OA -- would be a good thing.
9. Why are movies so darned lousy these days?
10. Who uses the word "darned" anymore???!!!
11. My extended family -- how I will regret it if I do not make more of an effort to be in touch.
12. The past and how present it is for me all the time.
Husband thinks I have/am ADD. I just know that I am always thinking of multiple things/ideas, and I think really really fast and move ahead, like a skipping stone, to new topics/thoughts. I'm sure this is frustrating for him, but it feels normal to me. I guess I thought everybody was like that, but now I know that we each have our own ways of processing and it's OK. OK, dear?
I am a list maker. Here is a list of stuff I've been reflecting on lately.
1. Church. Why?
2. I miss being a mom of pre-college kids, you know, the kind that live with you.
3. I miss Minnesota, and the following: book group, scrapbooking with Becki, et al, women's retreat, going out with my friends, my old OA group on Tuesday nights, my old job and co-workers, the neighborhood, Sherrie, etc., etc.
4. Tacoma is feeling less alien to me lately.
5. Husband and I need to get out more. Importance of fun.
6. OK, that's enough extension time, now get those taxes done and in.
7. I wonder what it would be like to have a blog?
8. Returning to OA -- would be a good thing.
9. Why are movies so darned lousy these days?
10. Who uses the word "darned" anymore???!!!
11. My extended family -- how I will regret it if I do not make more of an effort to be in touch.
12. The past and how present it is for me all the time.
Husband thinks I have/am ADD. I just know that I am always thinking of multiple things/ideas, and I think really really fast and move ahead, like a skipping stone, to new topics/thoughts. I'm sure this is frustrating for him, but it feels normal to me. I guess I thought everybody was like that, but now I know that we each have our own ways of processing and it's OK. OK, dear?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
