Beginning Again....and again

It is never too late to begin again.  If you are having a day where you start out being creative and end up sobbing about all kinds of things....well, that might be a day to post to your blog even though you haven't done any posting for two years.

It was a crazy day in Kathy-land when I decided to make each of my children a scrapbook upon their high school graduations.  My daughter graduated in 2009 and today I finished hers.  Mostly.

When you put together a scrapbook celebrating someone's life up till now, you get continual glimpses of the past, looking through photos and papers and national honor society pins, etc., etc.   You see pictures of yourself looking just a little better and younger on the verge of tears saying goodbye to your daughter at her new college dorm room on her first day on campus.  You look through elementary school yearbooks to make sure you mark her pictures with the correct grade, and you gasp in pain and joy at how adorable and unique she was/is.  You acknowledge that any commentary you write on a scrapbook page is just a tiny representation of the love you feel in your heart and soul for this child, now an adult.

Consider this: despite the troubles my mate and I have caused each other over the years, we didn't do such a bad job raising our two children.  We took them all around America and overseas.  We encouraged their activities and friendships.  We kept them in church and school and provided structure and tradition as well as new ideas.  We loved them fiercely even when we were crabby and depressed and distracted, and we hope against all hope that they know it and can feel it even when they are crabby and depressed and distracted.

Here's to the future!  May it be filled with love and hugs, with tears and comfort.  May we continue to appreciate each other with all our many and varied foibles and oddities.

Church #8

Church #8

October 2, 2011

Finally got myself back in the pews.  Today I chose a nearby “United” Church – I think it is a yoked congregation? Of Methodists and UCC.  Maybe.  The hymnals were UCC.  The disjointed sentences reflect my disjointed sense of church and spirituality. 

Today was Youth Sunday and also World Communion Sunday.  The small youth group presented a slide show/video of their recent mission trip.  This part of the worship definitely took me back to watching my own two on all their Youth Sundays.  What I kept thinking was – it doesn’t look like such a big deal – but it is!  It’s wonderful that they’re up there, creating and in charge. 

So I did not hear a “sermon” from their new minister.  She did preside over communion, which was with several different types of bread – pita, cornchips, rice cakes and then intinction. 

The church appears to have a major commitment to environmental stewardship and what they called “external ministries,” i.e., outreach or mission in other church language.  Not a large church, but I got the feeling everyone has something to do and everyone participates and supports the ministry of the church.  I don’t always get that feeling.  

There were at least seven Prius cars in the parking lot.  Yes, I counted.

They were extremely friendly to this visitor; I was greeted three times before I got to my seat.  One of the greeters sat with me, but maybe that was just her usual pew! 

I didn’t recognize most of the music, but they did play a song by Susan Werner – I swear I’ve heard her before on NPR or some such place.  It was great.  It’s called “help somebody.”   They used it to jump start their stewardship campaign.  I loved it.  

So – back to church!  I feel so peripheral to it all. 

Movie Review

Saw Sarah's Key yesterday, kind of flooded with images from the movie that won't go away, and highly recommending it to all I meet.

One-line blog

The other night I dreamed I was paralyzed from the waist down.

Church #7

June 26, 2011


Today’s church has been on my church list since I moved to this area, and today I am finally attending worship.  I will probably have to re-visit another time when the pastor is in the pulpit; as it was, today my husband happened to be preaching, which is nice because of the conversations we usually have afterward.

So the reason it’s been on my list is that I know it to be a liberal, thoughtful, social-justice-oriented church.  Mainline denomination, but not rigidly so.  Arts oriented.  Partners with other community organizations.  I also have heard that the music director is amazing, with a super blend of old and new, using a variety of instruments, etc., etc. 

I am happy to report I found the church to be welcoming, casual, friendly, familiar-feeling, with  wonderful music (great piano! no choir!).  The sanctuary was full but not crowded.   I heard an older man, a member, after the worship service was over talking with a visiting couple (also older).  The member told the visitors that he lives in (insert a different community here), but that they are pleased to attend this church because “there is so much we agree with that goes on here.”

If my report sounds less than bouncy, I am wondering if maybe the church is a little too “perfect” and familiar-feeling.  My energy level about it is calm and accepting, my interest piqued, my brain tickled.  Is there “too much” agreement?

Church Six

June 5, 2011

Church #6

I chose this church the old-fashioned way – it sits on a corner near my house, so I walked to worship. Another mainline Protestant congregation, with a more friendly and accessible feel to it than the last church. The priest welcomed me with a little chat before the service.

This was an interesting 1-1/4 hours for me, as I only knew one hymn, went to the rail for communion and intincted rather than sipping from the cup (eww!!), and endured another lengthy passing of the peace. (Why do people feel they need to shake hands with everybody in the sanctuary?)

Very special, there was a brief healing/annointing gathering (not noted in the bulletin), where people who wanted healing prayer were invited to come up, people of all ages did so, with varying issues. This was the moment that brought some emotion to me. The priest was very kind and indeed was channeling some sort of healing power to these people as he used the oil to make a cross on their foreheads.

Here is my personal “moment of Zen,” as Jon Stewart would say. Before worship started I began to noodle with a couple of questions I had run across in my journey, as follows: “What do I have to let go of and what is it making room for?” The priest noted this was the Sunday after the Ascension of Jesus, and recreated one of my favorite scenes in the New Testament, where the disciples stand, watching Jesus (or the space where he had gone to), their eyes focused up to the heavens. And the angels appear and say “what are you doing, you have work to do here on earth” (basically). And then the priest went on to talk about letting go. Hmmm…..

I was glad I went. I told my husband when I got home…..I actually felt like a Christian there. He asked, what do you mean by that? I mean….I felt that who I am would be accepted there, with all my doubts and questions and opinions.

I have been thinking that having an impactful experience at a church is not the same as choosing a community. But it is a wonderful thing to walk through.

Church Five

May 22, 2011

Church #5

Today’s church was another mainline Protestant congregation. The pews were full, with a mix of ages. I have been wishing for a more liturgical service, and I GOT IT! The worship bulletin was more like a worship booklet. Pages rustled in unison as the service went on….and on….and on. Yes, it was an hour and a half. The woman sitting next to me in the last pew had an emotional time during one of the prayers. She cried and cried, and had to leave to get more Kleenex. I remembered times when I felt that emotional in a worship service. Not today. I enjoyed singing tunes I was familiar with, but I am sitting here trying to remember the POINT of the sermon. It was about repentance, not as a spiritual discipline a la Lent or Advent, but as a gift from God. “We get small so God can make us large. We get down so God can lift us up.” I found my mind wandering, previewing my routine at the gym planned for later in the afternoon. The whole experience was restrained. The language throughout was completely male. (That has been true for all of the churches I’ve visited so far. I believe I’m ready for an open and affirming experience!) On the plus side, there was a very nice welcome for visitors, parking designated for visitors, and two Obama cars in the parking lot! And the emotional pew-mate invited me to “come anytime!”