You probably already know this, but....

I love my job.  I'm lucky that I don't have to DO ANYTHING TO the people I visit.  I don't have to take their blood pressure, I don't have to ask to see their skin on their butt, I don't have to watch them get up out of a chair and walk across the room.  I get to visit people in their homes and offer a listening ear and an open heart as they talk about whatever they are willing to share about how things are going for them.  So much of what I hear has to do with how they feel in the "health care machine."  So much of what we do as health care providers has pretty much nothing to do with what the patient actually wants or feels.

This week I took a new patient who has no regular family doctor to a "transitional" clinic which sees patients temporarily while they seek a regular provider.  I had to take her, because she is just that impaired and frail that she would never have been able to get there on her own....and she lives one-quarter of a mile from the clinic.

 P.S. the reason she had to go to the clinic AND HURRY UP AND DO IT THIS WEEK is because without a doctor's order, the home care clinicians cannot make any visits -- well, they can't make any BILLABLE visits.

 The questions on the health history forms!!!  "Do you feel safe at home?"  "In your relationships?"  CHECK YES OR NO!!!

How about this.....when you first sit with a patient, during your CONVERSATION with them -- no, not an interview, not a session where you mostly look at the computer screen as you input answers (alot of times incorrectly -- believe me)....how about this....sometime during your conversation, let them know that if something is awry in their lives, in their home, in their relationships or family, you are open to hearing about it and brainstorming with them about what they'd like your help with.  Explain that you know that what goes on in their lives affects their medical condition and whether they feel like taking care of themselves.  Explain that that is why you are checking in with them about this seemingly extraneous topic.

BUT don't put a check box on a history form and call yourself open to hearing about family violence.

OK end of rant one.

Beginning Again....and again

It is never too late to begin again.  If you are having a day where you start out being creative and end up sobbing about all kinds of things....well, that might be a day to post to your blog even though you haven't done any posting for two years.

It was a crazy day in Kathy-land when I decided to make each of my children a scrapbook upon their high school graduations.  My daughter graduated in 2009 and today I finished hers.  Mostly.

When you put together a scrapbook celebrating someone's life up till now, you get continual glimpses of the past, looking through photos and papers and national honor society pins, etc., etc.   You see pictures of yourself looking just a little better and younger on the verge of tears saying goodbye to your daughter at her new college dorm room on her first day on campus.  You look through elementary school yearbooks to make sure you mark her pictures with the correct grade, and you gasp in pain and joy at how adorable and unique she was/is.  You acknowledge that any commentary you write on a scrapbook page is just a tiny representation of the love you feel in your heart and soul for this child, now an adult.

Consider this: despite the troubles my mate and I have caused each other over the years, we didn't do such a bad job raising our two children.  We took them all around America and overseas.  We encouraged their activities and friendships.  We kept them in church and school and provided structure and tradition as well as new ideas.  We loved them fiercely even when we were crabby and depressed and distracted, and we hope against all hope that they know it and can feel it even when they are crabby and depressed and distracted.

Here's to the future!  May it be filled with love and hugs, with tears and comfort.  May we continue to appreciate each other with all our many and varied foibles and oddities.

Church #8

Church #8

October 2, 2011

Finally got myself back in the pews.  Today I chose a nearby “United” Church – I think it is a yoked congregation? Of Methodists and UCC.  Maybe.  The hymnals were UCC.  The disjointed sentences reflect my disjointed sense of church and spirituality. 

Today was Youth Sunday and also World Communion Sunday.  The small youth group presented a slide show/video of their recent mission trip.  This part of the worship definitely took me back to watching my own two on all their Youth Sundays.  What I kept thinking was – it doesn’t look like such a big deal – but it is!  It’s wonderful that they’re up there, creating and in charge. 

So I did not hear a “sermon” from their new minister.  She did preside over communion, which was with several different types of bread – pita, cornchips, rice cakes and then intinction. 

The church appears to have a major commitment to environmental stewardship and what they called “external ministries,” i.e., outreach or mission in other church language.  Not a large church, but I got the feeling everyone has something to do and everyone participates and supports the ministry of the church.  I don’t always get that feeling.  

There were at least seven Prius cars in the parking lot.  Yes, I counted.

They were extremely friendly to this visitor; I was greeted three times before I got to my seat.  One of the greeters sat with me, but maybe that was just her usual pew! 

I didn’t recognize most of the music, but they did play a song by Susan Werner – I swear I’ve heard her before on NPR or some such place.  It was great.  It’s called “help somebody.”   They used it to jump start their stewardship campaign.  I loved it.  

So – back to church!  I feel so peripheral to it all. 

Movie Review

Saw Sarah's Key yesterday, kind of flooded with images from the movie that won't go away, and highly recommending it to all I meet.

One-line blog

The other night I dreamed I was paralyzed from the waist down.

Church #7

June 26, 2011


Today’s church has been on my church list since I moved to this area, and today I am finally attending worship.  I will probably have to re-visit another time when the pastor is in the pulpit; as it was, today my husband happened to be preaching, which is nice because of the conversations we usually have afterward.

So the reason it’s been on my list is that I know it to be a liberal, thoughtful, social-justice-oriented church.  Mainline denomination, but not rigidly so.  Arts oriented.  Partners with other community organizations.  I also have heard that the music director is amazing, with a super blend of old and new, using a variety of instruments, etc., etc. 

I am happy to report I found the church to be welcoming, casual, friendly, familiar-feeling, with  wonderful music (great piano! no choir!).  The sanctuary was full but not crowded.   I heard an older man, a member, after the worship service was over talking with a visiting couple (also older).  The member told the visitors that he lives in (insert a different community here), but that they are pleased to attend this church because “there is so much we agree with that goes on here.”

If my report sounds less than bouncy, I am wondering if maybe the church is a little too “perfect” and familiar-feeling.  My energy level about it is calm and accepting, my interest piqued, my brain tickled.  Is there “too much” agreement?

Church Six

June 5, 2011

Church #6

I chose this church the old-fashioned way – it sits on a corner near my house, so I walked to worship. Another mainline Protestant congregation, with a more friendly and accessible feel to it than the last church. The priest welcomed me with a little chat before the service.

This was an interesting 1-1/4 hours for me, as I only knew one hymn, went to the rail for communion and intincted rather than sipping from the cup (eww!!), and endured another lengthy passing of the peace. (Why do people feel they need to shake hands with everybody in the sanctuary?)

Very special, there was a brief healing/annointing gathering (not noted in the bulletin), where people who wanted healing prayer were invited to come up, people of all ages did so, with varying issues. This was the moment that brought some emotion to me. The priest was very kind and indeed was channeling some sort of healing power to these people as he used the oil to make a cross on their foreheads.

Here is my personal “moment of Zen,” as Jon Stewart would say. Before worship started I began to noodle with a couple of questions I had run across in my journey, as follows: “What do I have to let go of and what is it making room for?” The priest noted this was the Sunday after the Ascension of Jesus, and recreated one of my favorite scenes in the New Testament, where the disciples stand, watching Jesus (or the space where he had gone to), their eyes focused up to the heavens. And the angels appear and say “what are you doing, you have work to do here on earth” (basically). And then the priest went on to talk about letting go. Hmmm…..

I was glad I went. I told my husband when I got home…..I actually felt like a Christian there. He asked, what do you mean by that? I mean….I felt that who I am would be accepted there, with all my doubts and questions and opinions.

I have been thinking that having an impactful experience at a church is not the same as choosing a community. But it is a wonderful thing to walk through.