How It's Done: Vacation

The subject of vacations and who likes to do what has come up frequently lately between Husband and myself. This is a "big birthday" year (60 and 50), and additionally, we are approaching -- we can see the light! -- both children finishing college, and cash being freed up.

What do you really like to do on a vacation, dear? we ask each other. We reflect on vacations of years past, what worked, what didn't. We laugh and cringe at the same time, remembering when our styles clashed, when one or the other felt deprived of an adventure. "I could spend all day in museums," I say, remembering with regret the ones that got away in Italy. "I loved lying around in the garden at the Montreux hotel, just reading all day," he says fondly, knowing how the rest of us almost died of boredom. "I compromised! I understood you wanted such and such!"

We have such different dreams for time away. I could wander and browse all day, while he likes to plant himself and enjoy doing nothing. We are conscious of the other's lack of enjoyment when too much in the other's comfort zone. We want to get away together, and we want to get away on our own.

So we sit with our laptops and look at the options and consider how it might be if we took a few days or a week in Hawaii, in Mazatlan, in Portland, on the Olympic Peninsula, on a cruise to Alaska.

It would be nice to say it's easy to plan a vacation, but it's not. We each are too independent in our own ways to fold ourselves into the other's idea of an adventure.

So we must have faith in the process, and we must have confidence that it will all work out in the end, and we will have our time away, and he will have enough time to do nothing, and I will have enough museums. We must have hope that our flights will not get cancelled, that our luggage will arrive safely, that our camera will not get stolen. We have to visualize our wonderful room, with the great view, and the pristine beach, and the great service. But mostly, we have to have faith that we will go away, and enjoy our time together and apart, that we will share new things with each other, and ultimately, a few years from now, smile and/or cringe a little when we look back.

As we plan our next vacation.

Postponing the Inevitable

Four months is long enough to go between posts. Appropriately, I have been considering the concept of "procrastination" these last few days, after working with a client who presented this as his issue. Processing afterwards, a colleague said, "what is that about? is it power?" I answered, "is it dependency?" Now I am wondering, "is it perfectionism?" Usually, my bottom line answer to a series of "is it?" questions like that is, "it doesn't matter what it's about," and in this case, I think it's procrastination to wallow about wondering why.

I have an image of what a blog post should be. If what is going on in my head doesn't match that image, no blog post gets written. I'd like to think....maybe I could start with writing the blog post, rather than the ideal image.

That's my standard procrastination technique -- staying so focused on the "thing I want," that I never get started on the road to it!

The new "thing I want": taking the step off the curb and being on the road!

Political Values, or the value of politics, or how to be politically valuable, or.....

I have been pondering my political values during this depressing election season. I think to myself "I believe...." and go from there. I am cursed or blessed with seeing "all" sides of issues, and finding value in most (not all -- oh no, not all!) of what I imagine are the reasons behind political/social realities. For instance, no I do not think there is value in faulty scientific thinking, nor do I think there is value in just plain meanness, alot of which we see and hear about because it is just so newsworthy (!). But I can understand why somebody would feel angry at what they perceive to be a bloated government way too involved in the personal lives of citizens. But I can also understand that what you consider to be a bloated part of government that person over there might consider to be absolutely essential support for them as they negotiate this world. Sigh.

Also I have been considering my own behavior/attitudes during the Bush years and how I certainly have been guilty of saying nasty, depersonalizing things about GWB and his ilk (ok, right there -- "ilk" -- that is kind of nasty, isn't it?). And I think well how is that different from what I'm hearing and seeing these days from those who hate Obama and HIS ilk (ah, there, now it is all evened out). Of course, I never really went out and stomped on Bush supporters as they lay on the ground -- but let us not digress.....

I believe.....that the collective vision is more important than any one individual's vision. So that a focus on the "common good" is key in seeing what is, and thinking about what could be.

I believe, too, that "the least of these," i.e., those with the least social power, are to be considered when proposing changes or improvements or overhauls or defundings.

I believe there should be much less distance -- financially and socially -- between rulers and the ruled. I believe that wealth -- individual wealth, holding it close -- is not necessary for a thriving economy. I definitely believe there is such a thing as being "too rich."

I believe that we all have deep dark thoughts, prejudices, stereotypes, misunderstandings, irrational concerns, and that it would be good if we all acknowledged these in ourselves and others, and it would be even better if we acknowledged how things we think "should happen" often stem from these stereotypes, etc. Because I believe if we acknowledge this, we can move forward, but if we don't....we are stuck. I also believe that what I consider to be a prejudice, you could well consider to be a verifiable fact. So we go round and round.

I saw the movie "Waiting for Superman" recently which was at once so depressing and so inspiring. There are people doing amazing things in education with children that most of the system has written off. These are the people I want to read about and hear about on the news -- the people who transcend labels and go for the absolute highest standards and expectations -- people who basically radiate love and hope. And I have really high hopes for those kids whose lives these educators touch. Wow.

The Goodness of Retreat

1. Tradition. Happens every year, same time, same place. I can count on it.

2. Memories. Bad as well as good. Meaningful as well as boring.

3. The environment. The lake, the walks, the trees. Even when it rains, maybe especially when it rains, the feeling is one of coziness and safety.

4. Laughing. No need to say more!

5. Story-telling. Puzzles. Book group. Massage.

6. An awareness of the need for balance between socializing and alone time/refreshing by myself. I learned that big time at retreat.

7. And these folks!

Inspiration, Yet Again

Listened to a young man named Eboo Patel at a nearby college last night, the crowd almost palpably yearning to hear some common sense and guidance as they consider how to push back against the rising tide of hatred against Muslims in this country. Here is a link to Eboo's Interfaith Youth Core http://www.ifyc.org/about_core/staff

Memorable quotes...."if your enemy is Muslim extremism, and you always talk about Muslims, you are focusing on the wrong word." "I think the reason people in this country love the poet Rumi so much is ... he's like Whitman!" "In America, we do not hate people because of their religion...we just don't." "It's not going to be easy, but the forces of inclusion will overcome the forces of hate." "The foundation of Islam is mercy, so if you are looking at five verses in the Koran about mercy and five verses in the Koran about killing infidels, the more important verses are the ones about mercy."

I'm struck by how little I know about Islam, about how interesting its history is, and about how intertwined its history actually is with the development of the United States of America. Fascinating.

LifeThese Days

So, last weekend, I go see the Twins play at Safeco Field in Seattle (they lost).....my husband and I score some pretty nice seats, six rows up between home plate and first base.....I text my friend in St. Paul to tell her I'm at the game.....she texts me back this photo, which she took in her living room with her phone while watching the game on her TV....yeah that's me with the intense expression on my face....

I do wish my parents were alive to experience this strange new world.
Happy 84th birthday mom!

Stupid stuff

People burning the Koran on September 11. Pretty damn dumb.

People "accusing" Obama of being a Muslim. Like people used to "accuse" somebody of being gay. SO WHAT IF HE WERE?

People talking about another religion as though they understand it. When they so obviously know nothing and never never never think outside their own puny little boxes.

Stating the obvious, but thanks NCC:
http://www.ncccusa.org/news/100811ramadanrespect.html